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Stop thinking about ‘Work:Life Balance’ as being simply about hours worked…
‘Work:Life Balance’ is more about how ‘work’ invades our consciousness at all times of the day and night than simply counting the hours worked.
...and our ability to regulate how much of our consciousness that we give to ‘work’ can be governed by relationships, expectations, commitment, changes in the power dynamic.. amplified through vulnerability, self doubt and lack of resilience in our careers. We also know that our appetite for ‘work’ is highly likely to change throughout our lifetime. Of course the actual hours that we give to our work has a significant impact too and there are individuals who struggle to balance family life with more than one job just to keep their head above water... but 'time at work' was never the whole story. There is an additional perspective on 'quality of life' to consider.
Before we think about how to adjust our balance, consider the extent of this 'headspace invasion':
When work invades your consciousness during your private ‘time’... you are working!
When you wake in the morning and your head is already filled with the day’s challenges... you are working!
When you go to sleep at night and your last thoughts of the day are ‘work’ and ‘work people’ rather than other things that you would rather care about at that time (your dreams, your friends, your family)… you are working!
When you can’t sleep soundly at night because of a toxic relationship at work… you are working!
When you are with your cherished life partners but your mind wanders back to your in:box… or to the meeting that is coming up next week.. or to that frustrating colleague / boss /client… you are working!
When you come home and ‘unload’ with all of the details of your work-based challenges and anxieties to the point where you know that your life partners know ‘too much’ about your work... you are working! ...and so are they!
9 ways that may help you to evaluate and adjust your current balance:
Reach an understanding about the degree to which your work is your life, your sense of identity, purpose and fulfilment - and check in on whether you are happy with this current 'arrangement' right now. For some, work is ‘everything’ and that’s ok… for others, right now they need it to be just ‘a job’ that they leave behind ‘in the office’. Recognise that most of us will alternate somewhere between these two at different times in our lives, and others will be in different places on the scale at any given time.
Listen to your own wandering mind and take note about how often you let ‘work' invade your personal space. Listen carefully to what your mind and body are telling you about stress and be clear and honest with yourself about where these come from, and think about why these things bring stress along with them and the degree to which you contribute to these. Take notes - capture these over a period of time and reflect on what this exposes about your current experience.. the real degree of ‘balance’ or 'imbalance' in work:life.
Evaluate where ‘collaboration’ at work is a source of stress... where it has become 'conflict masquerading as teamwork' i.e. someone winning at the cost of someone else losing. Try where you can to influence and nurture a win-together culture of curiosity, discovery and dialogue - building trust, understanding, appreciation and pave the way towards acceptance of agreed outcomes... and enjoy the mental tranquility that can come from this.
Establish some clear boundaries - for example: ‘when I am with my small child who is growing up and whom I will never meet again at this age.. my phone is going to stay in my bag/pocket and I mean it’. or.. ‘I will not let my morning ‘in-box’ determine the quality of conversation over our breakfast table - I will not be robbed of this personal time and experience’.
Find a way of choosing the last thing that you think of before you sleep.. and put in place something that will help you to choose the first thing that you think of and prioritise when you awake. Practice this and establish a habit of consciously switching on to work at your time of choosing.
Consider how this 'problem' may have become bigger with the shift to a virtual workplace without physical or time boundaries and strike a new deal with this new environment - one that is fair, productive, healthy and sustainable.
Review the continuous 'push delivery' of digital content that interrupts our thinking - adjust your 'alert' settings to quieten down some of these.
Check-in on your degree of addiction to checking for updates and news.. that thing where we find ourselves unintentionally, yet habitually ‘looking for work and interruptions’. Wean yourself off this if you believe that it's unproductive.. or unhealthy.. or regularly takes your mind away from where you want it to be.
Acknowledge toxic relationships at work and DO SOMETHING about these. They can corrupt and devalue your life experience. Seek help. If appropriate, consider ways of bringing about a form of mediation. Consider that it might of course be you! If you can’t find a way of overcoming these, and if you can’t sleep at night because of this… if the quality of your life is significantly eroded because of this relationship and there is absolutely no way of fixing it.. then start putting a plan together to get yourself out of there. Life is too precious for this to become your ‘present’ reality. BTW - if you are reading this and coming to a realisation that maybe you are eroding the value (and balance) of someone else’s life.. then also DO SOMETHING about this. Seek help. If appropriate, consider ways of bringing about a form of mediation etc. (see above).
Conclusion:
I hope that you have committed, fulfilling and successful professional lives. Your consciousness during your designated ‘private time’, however, should ideally be filled with the things of your choosing… things that represent the highest order of value and contribute to the 'whole life' that you aspire to live. Own this... take steps to stop the 'headspace invasion'... choose and make adjustments towards finding your better 'balance'. It's all part of intentionally living a life that is worthy of our lifetime.